Men, we need to talk...

We must stand. We must stand now!

These are my own words and AI is not used. Have grace. I’m not great at writing and grammar is like kryptonite.

The kitchen table is a familiar place, a safe place, where we fellowship with other members of the Watchmen Community and more broadly the Body of Christ. Ladies, you are welcome here, but this Kitchen Table is primarily for men. Men, listen up, because I’m concerned about our leadership in the season that is approaching. As I am prone to do, I want to begin with a personal story. It begins with my wife of 22-years. She is an incredible woman of God and a mature believer (also a PK). I have to say that when I first met her, it’s not a stretch to say she is pretty intimidating. She is smart, personable, of great character, and beautiful. The Lord continued to bless us. We don’t call it falling in love, we call it growing in love, which intentionally reflected our core belief in personal growth (together as a couple), and growth in witnessing each other as our relationship matured. Our love story is beautiful.

But, nine years into our marriage, we were both working hard, doing lots of missional things, growing in our relationship in the Lord. Things were very good. But there was a problem. Whenever I had some quiet time to reflect critically on my relationship with her, I realized I was not leading correctly. I will never forget our Church (at the time) announcing a Weekend to Remember weekend conference (here) by Family Life. Focusing on relationship skills, I was confident approaching the material and all the one-on-one time and written exercises with her. What I was not prepared for was the split session on Sunday where men and women were put in separate rooms. All was good until the wrap-up of our session. The “Stepping Up” resource was just being launched and they played the trailer. The video below is not what I was showed, it was longer. Play this. I can’t watch it without tearing up.

What Happened to me

So, we’re approaching the end of the conference and a video similar to the one above was playing. The guy you see at the beginning also had a role at the end of the clip they played at the conference. I believe his first name is Stu(?), unfortunately I can’t find his profile. If you recognize him, post a comment below for me. He was still sitting in that chair and the scene was winding down when he came into focus and spoke the following three words: “Be a man”. In an instant, the Holy Spirit embedded that right into my heart, mind, and soul. Thunk! I had instantaneous knowledge that the Lord had just spoken to me through Stu’s words. My reaction? I did what any man would do. None of the other 300 men in that conference hall mattered to me. The Lord had spoken and I immediately burst out in unrestrained, silent, shuddering, tears. I could not control it. Men, those tears had to come out. And when they did there was deep, profound, grief that I was not the Man of God I thought I was. Time froze. I was balling my eyes out, hands over my face trying to shrink in my seat, head down, trying to process the Lord’s words and challenge to me.

The Scott you know now is not the same Scott I was before those three words were spoken. Men, here’s what it felt like. It reminded me of when my hand was in the cookie jar and my Mom’s intuition prompted her to ask: Scotty, what are you doing? LOL. BTW, none of you have my permission to call me Scotty. That’s for my Mom, okay? LOL

I realized that I was coasting in my relationship with my wife. She is so competent that I kind just followed along. I was following. I was not leading. I may not have been fully aware of this, but when the Lord spoke to me it changed everything.

The Learning Process

I can’t remember the exact moment I tentatively led my wife in what seemed like the first time, but it wasn’t long after that conference. What I do remember is thinking: this could go either way. Either she’d receive my leadership effort, or she would deflect or push back. I waited for pushback, but it never came! That wasn’t because I worded it correctly, that was total grace from the Lord in preparing her heart too.

Please don’t laugh at me, laugh with me. But I thought: “Wow—this actually worked!” I led in a new way and she didn’t object, didn’t push back, and miraculously my soft and encouraging, but direct words didn’t even seem to bother her. And I learned there was a good reason for that. The prompting of the Holy Spirit to Be a man met with her role as my wife, trusted confidant, and helpmeet perfectly. I was honestly dumfounded by this! I literally could not believe that the Lord’s command met with so little resistance. He is INCREDIBLE!

Concurrently with this, I was exerting more leadership at work. As a co-founder I was responsible for shaping our corporate culture. I led by modeling, mentoring, training, and encouraging the rest of our employees and team. That extended to vendors and investors. After a period of time, the leadership became natural and pure. By pure I mean motivation and excellence to the best of my ability. It was stressful at times, but overall such a privilege to lead a team of developers.

And this continued after losing my job due to COVID nonsense. The company I helped create could not sustain the negative run-rate when investors pulled back. So be it. I considered myself to be in full-time ministry after that. Actually, it was one of the most freeing things in my life! Thank You for what You did, Lord!

Where I am now

Back to my wife and I. We joke about moments like the following, because when we’ve been on separate trips, she will forget that I open her door when we’re reunited. I jokingly remind her: I am the man! We laugh about this together. A small percentage of time, when I’m trying to get her to laugh out loud, I’ll even do an arm flex while I’m saying I am the man! I must look so ridiculous to others…but I don’t care.

Of course, leadership in relationships is perhaps just the first of many steps in our journey. But men, pay attention because we’re moving on to meat. I am a Watchman, but I owe my sensitivity to calling and mission to one of the other factors that brought me to the place I am at today. It’s no secret: it’s love for others.

When I grew in my identity as a Man of God—eschewing the opinions of others and putting my faith in trust in the Lord, it made a profound difference in other aspects of my life.

In other words, leadership in my relationship to my wife led to leadership in my business which led to leadership in my ministry to others. I formed iamawatchman, co-created the RaptureKit resource, and have done many other initiatives over the years. There is a different root cause that explained this is clarity of vision. I didn’t have the capacity for that type of vision all by myself at that time. The LORD refined and shaped all this into my DNA over a period of years. When I made the conscious decision to become A man of God He put me on the potter’s wheel where a lot of shaping, scraping and tuning has occurred—that process never ends by the way. Men, let me tell you, if you cooperate with His shaping, He will inject a tender heart, heal old wounds, give wisdom and insight. He will shape you into the man He created you to be! Test this for yourself.

Problem Statement

Isn’t it true that we all have our histories, including our successes and failures? Men, are you there? Have you ever heard the Lord impress you to BE A MAN? It won’t be the same as it happened to me, but is there a fire in your belly for such a time as this? Are you engaged in your purpose? When the Lord speaks to you, are you discerning and absorbing His next steps for you? Or, did you think you were done? Tired? So are all of us! Discouraged? So are all of us! Are you not sure what to do next? Why do you hear me share that I only having 6” of visibility at a time? In my opinion and experience, it is very rare to see a man that has full binocular type vision far into the future. Less than one percent maybe? But what about you? Do you have 6", what about 3”, what about just a flickering flame from just a single candle? Brother: it is enough. Have you considered the following:

• Is the light that guides you forward on your next mission or act of service really just a reflection on your own willingness to follow? It seems reasonable that if you or someone you know is not fully cooperating in the things the Lord is purposing for you, that the next step might become shorter…less illuminated. It’s possible we can’t even take a full step forward, even if we had the desire to. We might only have the ability, strength or vision for a mini half step. This is okay as long as we don’t get stuck! The good news is that the converse is also gloriously true! If we are steered by the Holy Spirit, following His will and mission for us to the best of our ability, it seems to me like we get more leash! More vision, pointing further down the path He wants us to take. That said, it’s rare. In my gut it feels like He doesn’t want us wandering too far ahead of Himself. It’s like Dads that don’t want their kids running too far ahead of them where dangers can lurk. I believe it’s a gift to be on a short leash, LOL. To me, it means that He is right there, taking every step with me. That is so comforting!!

• We can’t compare ourselves to other men. We are Men of God and our specific circumstances, skills, abilities, and resources all reflect our exact position on the wall. As a Watchman, you need to work as the Lord leads you. All Watchman that I’ve met have a common set of baseline knowledge, but most have an amazing differentiation. Hence we are different from each other to some extent. Some have natural curiosities that drive them on their specialities. I know a Watchman that brought a lot of fascinating information about Apophis (here). I enjoyed his passion for this subject and the possibility that this could be linked to the “mountain” that crashes on the Earth during the Tribulation period. Not my cup of tea or area of interest, but I appreciated his initiative. He is my faithful Brother.

• Where is the Lord leading you? What is He asking you to “Be a man” about? For me, it began with leadership in my marriage, but that was just the beginning. If we’re in the starting blocks before the sprint begins, are you primed to leap forward and run the race? Men, we need other men. It doesn’t work when we are loners thinking (in our own distorted minds) that we can pound our chest and do it by ourselves. That might work in some cases. And there is an awful lot to say for being driven … if, and I stress if, you are going in the right direction! I define the right direction as the direction the Lord is pointing you towards.

• Get inspired! Read (this). Others have gone before us and we can learn from strong Biblical models. Want to put hair on your chest? Read this (here). Seeing other men’s journey can be hugely inspiring. Find other men. Proverbs 27:17 NASB: “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.”

Join me

We have been beaten down by the enemy. I SAY ENOUGH! NO MORE! WE ARE MEN AND WE WILL ACT ACCORDING TO OUR GOD BREATHED DESIGN AND ACCORDING TO OUR MANDATE.

I’ve drawn a line in the sand in my life. I will not be deterred by nonsense and I muster up significant energy to pursue the things the Lord has put on my heart to do. My things are not your things. But letting the Lord sculpt and refine us is common to all of us, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Or isn’t it true that there is gifting and circumstances and training and perspectives and personality and so many other factors that the Lord Himself wired directly into your frame. Does your heart beat in accord with the Lord? Does red blood flow through your veins as you receive impressions and burdens and direction from the King? The King! He will reign forever! Do you kneel before Him? Are you overcome by His majesty when you worship? Do you say:

Here I am, send me!

Look right. Look left. There are many men here. We have a common bond, don’t you think? Our relationships need us to be a Man of God. Especially to our wives. If you need to address long ruts in your relationship: my advice as your Brother is to get moving. Talk tenderly, confess sincerely, yield as the Lord brings the right words in your moment. Begin as best you can. ANY STEP is a breakthrough if you’ve neglected her. This is what happened to me. My wife saw something changing as I brought more leadership—done in love and with her encouragement, and I am the better man for it.

Next, consider this. Do you really think that the Lord will not honor your baby steps as you seek Him for your God-assigned mission in these, the last days? Well, do you? Think about it. I love imagining what that scene looks like in the throne room! Jesus turning to the Father and saying something like: “Look at our servant {insert your name} … see how he picked himself up and began to believe that We can use him?” Oh wow! Men, the LORD will jump for joy over the obedient steps you take. It might be flawed initially…of course it will be. Now that we have that settled, imagine those steps getting more confident. Now imagine reading the Word of God going from reading Power Point slides from a milk-toast sermon, to weekly reading, then daily reading. Then meditating on the Word of God randomly throughout your day. Imagine what He will do in you and through you as He prepares you for service. Remember you are the Joy set before Him on the cross! Pause to reflect on that.

I ask you: what is your redemption worth? It was such a great cost to our Lord. What would you give of yourself to bring others into relationship with Him? What skills can be applied? What friends and coworkers can use your perspective on the news? Plant | Water | Harvest! This is the season for all three.

Conclusion

What is perhaps the most encouraging thing to me is knowing—by faith, that He is counting on us men. Not beaten down, discouraged, not berated by the media, not being pressed into some version of ourselves we were NEVER supposed to be caged in. We are men. Women need us. Our families need us. Our jobs need us. Our communities need us. We need us … LOL!! I’m furious at what the bad people have done over the decades to make us think that we’re a mistake, a useless and discarded antiquity. Really? B.S. I will not allow someone else define who I am. Men, the moment you grasp this, the moment you move to reclaim your identity as a Man of God is the moment Heaven breaks out in stupendous shouts of praise!

I need our team here. You are my men. We pray for and help each other. We are here because we love Jesus and are not ashamed of knowing and serving the King. I’ve been addressing Jesus as “King” more and more in the past year. It makes me have the right frame of mind. I serve the King! When I pour out my life as I do, it is service to the King. I do not have expectations of numbers or fruit. But I do have expectations that I will be found faithful! And that my efforts will make a difference. But men, I can’t do it alone. You need to be with me. We need each other.

This is your moment. Imagine that you’ve just been broken by watching a promo video that ended with the words: “Be a man” and let that thunk directly into your heart. You are valued. You are esteemed. You are unique and you are equipped in ways that the other men here are not. You have a role—a perfect role carved out for you! When we stand on the wall, there are distinctive between us but there is a common heartbeat between us. When we lock eyes, there is a subtle nod of recognition. That man standing to your right … to your left … we are one. We are the Body of Christ appointed to live in the Last of the Last Days.

There should be joy and maybe tears as the Lord works on you. It can be uncomfortable…it always is. It’s like surgery and that’s a fair comparison. The King needs to get us ready for the final steps on this side of Eternity. Do you hear the call to the battle field? Do you have adrenaline coursing through your veins? Do you see clearly? Are your eyes on the King of Kings and not on the enemy. That enemy has already be vanquished: that’s a fact. So we are the victors and we will prevail. We have won and the King is riding just ahead of us. His eyes are aflame and his thigh declares His title. His robe is dipped in blood. He will right wrongs, execute judgment, and we will shout for joy as He allows US to participate in His victory! Our job is to align in battle formation behind Him. We are part of His victory. Do you believe that?

What is your call to action? Are you ready to receive new and/or confirmed insight? If my simple words have stirred something in your gut, that is not me. What the Holy Spirit did for me at that conference when He used Stu’s words: “Be a man” is the same thing He is going to do for us at the Kitchen Table. Stu pointed me to Christ. I point to Him and give Him praise and all glory. So should you, as you being a new season of life in service to the King. As others have done for me, and perhaps as I may have done for you, you are now a steward of that. It is a burden. But it is one that is not carried alone. There are men at this table and there is our King of Kings leading us into eternity.

Stay frosty. We are one day closer.

#Maranatha

P.S. Please continue to pray for my hear missionary friends in Japan with struggling unborn twins. It means a lot.

YBIC,
Scott